Return of the Native

So a couple of days ago our new neighbor (they moved in next door last Saturday) decided that it was a good idea to sit awhile on our front lawn. Today she returned.

Not a big deal you say, right? Well, it wouldn’t be a big deal if it wasn’t so strange?!?! Let me start at the beginning.

I’m outside with the dogs. Not unusual, I’m outside with the dogs a lot of the time these days. We have a very high wood fence that is really a privacy fence, or at least it should be a privacy fence. Our neighbor is outside as well and she yells over that she has a dog too (not that i couldn’t tell that as Harper by this time is wetting himself he’s so excited at the appearance of a new dog on the other side of the fence). She wants me to bring over my dogs so that they can meet her dog. Good idea, once they meet maybe Harper won’t wet himself every time he smells the other dog. So I grab the leashes and head over.

I let them off in her yard even though there are many places for a dog of Harper’s skill to escape from but that’s OK, I’m watching them. She immediately starts talking a mile a minute asking me questions and then by the time I open my mouth to answer she is already on a new topic and has apparently forgotten that I’d like to join in too. She is from Alaska, a native to Alaska (and consequently NOT Native American. I was informed that they HATE to be called that and that they prefer Native ALASKAN instead. My mistake. Aren’t we all Americans?) Anyway, her husband is from Devil’s Lake (a town an hour or two east of Minot also where a reservation is, I think it’s called Spirit Lake Indian Reservation or something like that) and they moved back here from Alaska. As she’s telling me all this I should mention that she smells like the inside of a liquor cabinet. No matter, I’m outside with my dogs and have a perfect excuse to go home. That is until she asks me inside to ’show me something’.

So I hand the dogs to Josh and I say I’ll be right back. Well, 30 min later I do go back but not until I’ve seen the entire inventory of my neighbor’s earthly possessions and every strange thing in the house. Like holes punched in walls, steam rooms in the basement, broken bookcases, ivy painted on the walls, dirty kitchens, etc. etc. Now I understand that she’s just probably lonely but I still couldn’t shake the feeling that she was just a bit…odd.

My fears were confirmed the next day as she constantly wanted us to bring the dogs over (even though she went on and on about how Bo “went #2 in the yard” but I promise she didn’t say it that pleasantly and certainly used an expletive in describing the nature of what Bo expressed in the yard. She tried to have a conversation with me over Josh mowing the yard in the front of our house and even tried to give me her cell phone #. Somehow I got out of that prospect, although I think it was because she forgot to give it to me.

The next day (Tuesday) Josh came home early only to leave again in a few minutes so he parked in the front along the street instead of the garage in the back. On his way out he pokes his head back in to tell me that neighbor is sitting on our front lawn. Sure enough, there she was.

Let me ask a question, if you are on your cell phone talking to someone and you like to pace around, would you continue to ONLY pace in front of a neighbor’s house and not your own? Would you (if the answer was yes) also continue to pace in front of your neighbor’s house if that neighbor had 2 beagles who like to announce anything strange outside by barking INCESSANTLY? If that answer is yes to that, would you also continue pacing in front of your neighbor’s house with your hand over your ear trying to block out your neighbor’s barking dogs so that you could hear the person on your cell phone? Why not go inside YOUR house? Why not pace in front of YOUR house? Why not sit on YOUR front stoop?

SO Bizarre. Here she is in all her glory. Remember, that’s my front stoop she’s walking around. I’ve been writing this blog for 10 minutes and she’s still there. Harper and Bo have been barking for 20 minutes now.